Smoothing Out the Mother/Daughter Relationship with Giselle Armantrout and Dr. Carrie Emonet

by Erik Garcia

Navigating the Mother-Daughter teen/tween relationship is tough, especially this year. In this episode of the Building Us podcast, Giselle Armantrout, LMFT, LPC, Licensed Counselor at Matt Morris & Associates, and Dr. Carrie Emonet, PhD, Licensed Psychologist at Emonet Psychology LLC, join co-hosts Erik Garcia, CFP®, and Dr. Matt Morris, LPC, LMFT to discuss how the parent-child relationship changes during the teen years.

Episode Highlights:

Matt introduces Dr. Carrie Emonet and Giselle Armantrout. (5:17)
Carrie mentions that she has four children, she’s a licensed child psychologist and has been in private practice since 2016. (5:43)
Giselle mentions that she has one child, and she’s been in private practice with Dr. Matt Morris & Associates for about two years. (6:15)
Giselle shares that Carrie reminded her that by the age of 13, a child’s prefrontal cortex isn’t developed the way it has to be. Therefore, expect that they’re going to make mistakes, and they’re set up to make mistakes in this area. (11:34)
Carrie thinks that as a parent, staying calm is a big challenge and mobile phones create so many issues. (12:25)
Carrie shares that being able to educate your children is a good way to teach them boundaries and how to deal with conflict. (14:33)
Carrie feels that as a parent, they don’t do enough of apologizing when they make mistakes and ask for their input. (15:02)
Giselle shares that every girl is different and every girl is going to come into her own at a different time. However, she sees that hormonal change happens around the age of 13. (24:49)
Carrie shares that we have to remember that the prefrontal cortex is not fully developed until around 25. Therefore, the logic, planning, and thinking through a situation is not going to happen, to its full ability until then. (25:41)
Carrie mentions one of the things that she would recommend is to have one on one time together with your child, especially when there are multiple children in your home. (35:07)
Carrie shares one of her favorite online resources is the Child Mind Institute and her two recommended books are, Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, by Lisa Damour, and Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, by Dr. Daniel Siegel. (39:39)
Giselle mentions that you should show your children that it’s okay to make mistakes and love yourself enough to allow that to be a teaching opportunity. (49:44)

Key Quotes:

“The more responsible you are, the more you show up as a part of our family team, our dynamic, that equals freedom.” – Giselle Armantrout
“Calm is my internal composure, and if I am out of control, it’s going to be so easy for my teenager to be out of control. Then it’s just a battle of wills, ugly words, and hurtful comments.” – Dr. Carrie Emonet
“It isn’t even about giving advice. It’s about letting them talk and hearing them from a non-judgmental zone, from a non-zone of wanting to interject, from a non-zone of trying to fix it and just be present. What a gift we can give to them when we can do it.” – Giselle Armantrout
“So my three buzz words, everything’s temporary, when families are in crisis, this is temporary. We’re going to come up with a plan, and we’re going to get through this. The next is forgiveness, that’s the greatest gift we’ve all been given, forgive and move forward. The last is to listen. Stop and listen to your children.” – Dr. Carrie Emonet

Resources Mentioned: