Influence Your Way to Stronger Relationships with Brian Ahearn

by Erik Garcia

What’s the difference between manipulation and ethical influencing? In this episode of the Building Us podcast, we are joined by Brian Ahearn, CPCU, CTM, CPT, CMCT, International Keynote Speaker, Author and Chief Influence Officer of Influence People, LLC, with hosts Erik Garcia, CFP® and Dr. Matt Morris, LPC, LMFT. Brian talks about the impacts of influence in today’s world and the three significant keys to ethically influence people.

Episode Highlights:

Erik introduces Brian Ahearn. (2:38)
Brian mentions that when it comes to influencing, he would typically ask the audience about their layman’s definition of influence. (5:37)
Brian shares that influence is about behavioral change. It’s not enough in most instances that somebody thinks it’s a good idea. (6:09)
Brian mentions that he use influence and persuasion quite often interchangeably. (9:27)
Brian shares that manipulation is trying to get people to do things without regard to their benefit. (10:06)
Brian explains the three keys to ethically influencing people. (10:20)
Brian mentions that we’ve moved in a society, that definitions always change over time, and nobody wants to be manipulated. (14:02)
Brian thinks that the words that we use are incredibly significant. Because sometimes, those influence techniques can be weaponized against you. (14:29)
Brian mentions a book entitled To Sell Is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others, by Daniel Pink. (16:07)
Brian thinks that principle has become a philosophy of how we can live our lives and how we can live our best lives. (18:43)
Brian mentions that taking those principles and learning how to weave them into stories, are far more powerful than just systematically listing them out. (33:41)
Brian shares that consistency describes the reality that most people feel an internal psychological pressure and an external social pressure to be consistent in what they say and what they do. (44:05)
Brian shares that the key to the consistency principle is to stop telling people what to do. Instead, start asking. (45:44 )

Key Quotes:

“It comes down to that communication, how we communicate can make all the difference between somebody saying yes, and somebody saying no. So for me, that’s the foundation that you need to set so that you understand going forward what everybody is talking about.” – Brian Ahearn
“There are many people who do enjoy some success and sometimes, they do things wrong. But what I would say is they could probably have more success if they actually understood what the research said, and was strategically applying it.” – Brian Ahearn
“It’s important for our happiness, that the better we understand how to communicate with people at home, our friends, family, neighbors, the easier it is for them to say yes to some of the things that we’re asking of them, the less friction that we have.” – Brian Ahearn
“Consistency starts with us. We want to feel good about ourselves by keeping our word. It’s driven from within, but there is external pressure too. Because when we commit publicly, we don’t want to look bad in the eyes of others. So, it’s a powerful driver of human behavior, but the key is getting somebody to commit to us.” – Brian Ahearn

Resources Mentioned: